


Suns, Moons, and Stars Alike

by novocaine_sea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 10:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8398486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocaine_sea/pseuds/novocaine_sea
Summary: Yamaguchi hates himself in every sense of the word. However, his own insecurities are blinding him from those who love and care for him, especially one Tsukishima Kei.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so somebody sent me an ask on [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/) with this title so I rolled with it.

_Ugly._

_Freckle face._

_Awkward._

_Scrawny._

_Why don’t you just disappear?_

Yamaguchi gripped the counter of his bathroom sink and listened as the tears sliding down his cheeks hit the porcelain. He didn’t want to look at his reflection any longer but he didn’t seem to have a choice as he brushed his teeth. He stared into the dark eyes looking back at him, marveling at how the dark circles under those eyes contrasted against tan skin. He studied the freckles dotting the reflection’s face and ran a finger over them.

_Ugly._

_Why don’t you just cut them off?_

His breath hitched in his throat as he brought his hand back to his side, spitting out the minty froth in his mouth. He rinsed before looking at himself again. He couldn’t look away. The voice was right; he was ugly. His freckles looked like mold growing on his cheeks. His arms were thin and easily breakable, unlike the arms of his fellow teammates. He wasn’t strong like the rest of them. He was weak.

“Tadashi!” His mother’s voice sang from downstairs. He jumped slightly, banging his knuckles hard against the countertop. “Kei is here!”

Yamaguchi cursed under his breath and splashed water on his face before exiting his bathroom. He walked to his bedroom and grabbed his backpack, slinging it over a ~~bony~~ shoulder before walking downstairs. He heard voices in the kitchen and turned to stand in the archway, watching his mother talk to his best friend.

Tsukishima Kei was everything Yamaguchi was not. He was tall and pale with perfect skin. Thick glasses sat perched on a slightly upturned nose, but not upturned enough to be unattractive. Girls loved him because he was attractive. The boy was skinny but he had muscular arms; Yamaguchi could see them through his cardigan. He had this air of confidence swirling around him, something the brunette was envious of. He wished he could have even an ounce of the confidence that Tsukki had.

“Are you ready?” Tsukki’s voice reached his ears. It was melodious without being too high but it wasn’t too deep either. Framed amber eyes gazed at him curiously.

Yamaguchi’s lips parted to say something but he didn’t trust his voice, so he only nodded. He took the bento bag his mother held out to him before going to the door to slip his shoes on. He said goodbye to his mother before the two teenagers set off for Karasuno.

It wasn’t a long walk, maybe about ten minutes. The first few minutes were silent before Tsukishima spoke up, “You look like hell.”

_He’s right._

_You always look like hell._

_Ugly._

_Freckle face._

Yamaguchi forced a smile onto his face, “Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep last night.” He laughed softly and rubbed the back of his neck.

The familiar “tch” sounded from between the blonde’s lips and he adjusted the headphones around his neck. “You should go to sleep earlier then.”

“Sorry Tsukki…” he said quietly, pulling on the strap of his backpack. After that the two were silent, entering the high school side by side. They made their way to class four and took their seats. Tsukishima sat by the window in the back whereas Yamaguchi sat in the middle of the classroom. The tall blonde said nothing to him as he took his seat. They still had a couple minutes before class started and Yamaguchi wanted to talk to him but didn’t want to bother him. So, he took his own seat and pulled his phone out.

_He doesn’t want to talk to you._

_Does he even want to be your friend?_

_He’s probably seeing you for the burden you are._

Yamaguchi gripped his phone tighter slightly and opened his messages. He had one unread message from Hinata Shouyou, the small, rambunctious middle blocker on the volleyball team. He decided not to read it at that moment and closed his phone, slipping it back into his backpack. He tapped his foot on the ground as he pulled his books from his backpack, placing them neatly on the desk. By the time he was done the teacher had arrived and started class.

Yamaguchi had a hard time concentrating. His mind was fleeting and he had a strong urge to turn around and look at Tsukishima. He knew that the boy’s eyes were not on him and were probably fixed on his notes or the tree outside, but he just wanted to look. He was beautiful, with his tall stature and pale skin. Yamaguchi grit his teeth. He wished he could be beautiful like Tsukishima. How could he be beautiful with his rusty skin and the mold spots on his face?

_You’ll never be beautiful like him._

_As long as you stay a freckle face, you’ll never be beautiful._

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his pencil in his hand. His heart rate accelerated. He tried to calm his breathing, trying to stop the panic that was onset by the voice ringing through his head. _Calm down Tadashi_. He urged himself, exhaling through his nose and slowly opening his eyes. His head was starting to hurt from closing them so tightly.

Yamaguchi slowly peaked over his shoulder to glance at Tsukishima. The pale boy was staring out the window, the sunlight shining on his head making his hair gold. He flipped a pencil around in his thin fingers, his other hand pressing against his cheek. The brunette faced forward again and chewed his lip.

There was no doubt he had a crush on Tsukishima. The boy was beautiful in every way. He was pretty sure it was more than a crush too. Ever since the blonde had come to his rescue when they were in elementary school, chasing away the bullies who had pushed him down in the park, he had stuck by the taller one’s side. He felt safe in the shadow of the blonde. He wanted to be as cool as he was, able to defend himself and others. He wanted to not care what other people thought of him.

_You’ll never be like him._

_He thinks you’re pathetic._

Yamaguchi bit down hard on his lip. Of course he could never be like him. Tsukishima was one of a kind! He was… He was beautiful. He was perfect, even if his eyesight wasn’t. He sighed to himself. He was so hopelessly in love with his best friend. He made it quite obvious, always following him around. His happiness depended on the taller boy. He was pathetic.

_Yes, you’re pathetic._

_How could he ever love somebody like you?_

_Pathetic._

_Ugly._

When the lunch bell rang the freckled boy visibly jumped in his seat. He had let his thoughts consume him for the better part of the morning and now his stomach was in knots. He stood up on shaky legs and felt a hand on his shoulder.

Yamaguchi turned and looked up at Tsukishima who was looking down at him indifferently. He lifted the lunch in his hands, “Wanna eat outside today?”

The grin that spread across Yamaguchi’s face was a genuine one, “Sure Tsukki!” He grabbed his own lunch and the two silently made their way into the court yard. They sat down underneath a shady tree and started eating. Yamaguchi had to stop himself from staring as he watched Tsukishima lift his chopstick to his lips, eating the rice off of them. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to hold back.

“Why are you staring at me?” Tsukishima’s annoyed voice made its way to his ears.

“Huh?” Was Yamaguchi’s only response.

“You’re staring,” Tsukishima said in between bites, “Do I have something on my face?”

“N-No!” Yamaguchi exclaimed frantically, throwing his hands in front of him, “S-Sorry Tsukki, I, uh-“

“Yamaguchi!! Tsukishima!!!” Hinata’s voice basically bounced off the buildings as he ran towards them, dropping down in front of them. He barely stopped himself from running over Tsukishima’s long, outstretched legs. An annoyed Kageyama followed him, glaring at him with dark eyes.

“You dumbass I told you not to run.” Kageyama growled above him.

Hinata seemed to crawl within himself, “I just saw Yamaguchi and Tsukishima and I wanted to eat with them!”

“Do you two idiots ever stop arguing?” Tsukishima muttered to himself.

Kageyama sat beside the middle blocker and glared at Tsukishima, “If he wasn’t such a dumbass we wouldn’t argue.”

“If _you_ weren’t such a dumbass,” Tsukishima began blandly, “you wouldn’t bother with him.”

Yamaguchi watched the three of them argue, snickering whenever Tsukishima shot them down with his sharp tongue. He was always jealous of how easily his best friend could fire back an insult. It seemed as if he did it effortlessly, not having to think about it before speaking.

_You’ll never be as cool as him._

_You’re pathetic._

A dark feeling crept up Yamaguchi’s chest. He felt the smile disappear from his lips and he scrambled to his feet, knocking his lunch off his lap. The three boys on the ground looked at him curiously, “U-Um… Bathroom.” That was all he managed to push out before he sprinted into the school, leaving his lunch spilled on the ground for the ants. He rushed into the nearest bathroom and shut himself into a stall. He pressed his forehead into the cool metal of the stall door, letting out a shaky breath. He knew he could never hold himself like Tsukishima did. He was too weak. And pathetic.

He reached up to grip his upper arms. Under the fabric of his sleeve he could feel the rise of skin, perfect lines descending from his shoulder to the middle of his upper arm. Scars that had healed a long time ago and some that were fresh. He rolled up his sleeves to look at the pink lines. Some were angry red, having been made recently, and he traced them with his finger.

_More._

The voice called out desperately. His hand started to shake. No he couldn’t do it here. Somebody could see. What if he cut too deep? What if he couldn’t stop the bleeding? Then he would die on the bathroom floor of his high school. How embarrassing. Not like it would matter, he would be dead. He would have disappeared. Nobody would have to stare at the mold splotches on his cheeks or bump into bony elbows anymore. He wouldn’t take up extra space or waste the oxygen in the air. He would simply be gone, his pathetic existence swept from the Earth.

Yamaguchi’s trembling hand reached into the pocket of his dress pants. He had a pen in there that had a sharp metal part on it that could definitely cut him. His hand circled it but didn’t pull it from his pocket. He exhaled again.

No. _No._ He let go of it. He wouldn’t let that voice overpower him. Not right now. He could self destruct at home, not in the bathroom of his high school.

He stepped out of the stall and walked up to the sink, washing his hands. He pressed wet hands to his cheeks and looked at his reflection. Blank, dark eyes stared back at him. Yamaguchi ran his fingers over his freckles, listing every bad thing anybody had ever said about them in his head. _Ugly. Ugly! UGLY!_ His lip trembled. No. He would not self destruct at school. He ran his wet hands over his face once more and fixed his hair a bit before walking back outside.

His friends didn’t see him approach. He stopped close to them and froze as he overheard his named mentioned in conversation.

“…you should talk to him,” Hinata was saying to Tsukishima. He shoved a half of a rice ball in his mouth before speaking again, “he hasn’t been himself lately.”

Tsukishima sighed, “I know but…” his voice trailed off as he searched for words.

_He doesn’t want to help you._

_He thinks you’re pathetic but can’t admit it in front of Hinata._

_He hates you._

Yamaguchi decided to approach them as the lunch bell rang, signaling for them to get back to the classroom. He collected the remnants of his lunch and waited for Tsukishima to brush the dirt from himself. “You didn’t eat much,” the blonde stated simply.

The brunette lifted his shoulder in a shrug and smiled softly, “It’s alright.”

“I’m worried about you,” the words left Tsukishima’s lips but he didn’t believe them, “You should eat more.”

_He’s lying._

_He doesn’t care about you._

“Sorry Tsukki,” he said, the small smile still on his face. He couldn’t make an empty promise about eating more because he wasn’t hungry. He was rarely hungry anymore. At least, not for food. He yearned to drag the blade across the skin of his arm and let the blood drip for a moment before soaking it up with a tissue. He was hungry for the sting that came with dragging the blade across the sting. He didn’t want to eat; he wanted to feel pain to get rid of the taunts ringing in his ears.

Yamaguchi took his seat. He was distracted for the rest of the day. He could feel Tsukishima watching him with those bored eyes of his at times during the rest of class. He tapped his foot under his desk. He couldn’t concentrate. Not with Tsukishima staring at him. Not with the pen weighing heavily in his pocket. Not with the extreme urge to whip it out during the middle of class and drag it across his skin. Not with the desire to disappear here and there.

Volleyball practice was not much better. The voice was relentless.

_Ugly._

_You’re so scrawny._

_You’ll never be as strong as the other players._

_Even Hinata and Tsukishima are stronger than you and they’re all bones._

_You’re pathetic._

_You’ll never be strong enough to be a regular._

He missed receives. He couldn’t block spikes. He stumbled over his feet trying to receive the ball. His arms were moving but the ball would fly past him. He felt as if he couldn’t see anything on the court. He was alone. He would never amount to anything. He would never be able to be a regular.

“Yamaguchi, you’re bleeding!” Nishinoya’s voice burst like a gunshot through his mind. He blinked his dark eyes at the shorter boy and then felt wetness on his arm. He looked at his arm and saw blood trickling down from under his sleeve. His heart was instantly slamming against his ribcage. _Oh no oh no oh no…._ he kept repeating in his head.

At that point the whole team plus the coaches had crowded around him.

“How did you get hurt there?” Daichi asked, reaching to lift Yamaguchi’s sleeve.

Yamaguchi slapped his hand over his sleeve and winced, gripping tighter. He ignored the bewildered stare from the captain. He hadn’t realized that he was trying so hard that he opened up a recent wound. Now he was bleeding. If anybody saw the scars on his arms it was over. He was done with.

“I’m fine,” he let out a shaky breath.

“You’re bleeding.” It was Tsukishima who spoke. His honey-colored eyes were staring at him. There was no emotion in them. No worry. No curiosity. Nothing.

_He doesn’t care._

“I-I’m fine.” Yamaguchi repeated, moving away from the group. He felt a hand on his elbow. It was light and barely there. It was easy to figure out who the hand belonged to and refused to look.

“There’s a first aid kit in the club room,” he heard Takeda sensei explain. Then he was being steered from the gym by the light hand. They climbed the stairs to the club room and it clicked behind them. He was sat on the bench and he heard shuffling around, the click of the first aid kit opening unfamiliar to him.

Tsukki had sat down next to him. He was still gripping his wounded arm, refusing to meet that gaze that was boring in to his skull. Eventually he gave in and his dark eyes met amber ones.

“Are you going to move your hand so I can bandage you up or…?” The blonde didn’t sound annoyed. Oddly enough he sounded patient. His eyes searched Yamaguchi’s for answers and the freckled boy felt intimidated enough to look away. They shared a pregnant pause before he lifted his hand from his arm.

“S-Sorry Tsukki,” he mumbled. His heart was still pounding. Tsukishima was going to see. He was going to see the scars lining his arm. He was going to see that these scars were recent and that he was still doing this to himself. How could the blonde love him when he couldn’t love himself?

_He’ll never love you._

_You’re disgusting._

_He would never love somebody as pathetic as you._

He swallowed the sob coming up his throat. Tsukishima’s hands were cold as they slowly pushed up the sleeve of his shirt. He knew his scars were exposed. The blonde hesitated and the atmosphere grew tense as he rolled the sleeve up over a frail shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to watch Tsukki gape at the horror show that was his upper arm. He felt tears start to surface and willed them back with all his might.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to expect. He was shocked when Nishinoya had suddenly cried out that the boy was bleeding. He had almost taken a spike to the face. That probably would’ve hurt considering it was Asahi’s. He spiked with extreme force, despite being the gentle giant that he was. He had immediately crowded around his friend, watching his face. Yamaguchi’s face at that moment was etched with worry and fear. He saw it in those dark eyes of his. He seemed frantic as he clutched his arm. He was hiding something. Tsukishima had been too blind to see it before but now he knew that he was being kept in the dark.

That’s partially why he had been the one to take Yamaguchi to the clubroom. Normally it would’ve been Takeda sensei but he had demanded that it be him. He wanted to know what Yamaguchi was hiding. He was worried about him, even if he didn’t show it. This was his best friend and even if he didn’t treat him like it at times, that’s the position he still held.

Staring at the scars on Yamaguchi’s arm, there was a pang in his chest. These weren’t accidental; these were intentional. They were perfect white lines, some red ones that had clearly been done recently, within the last three days at least. One was bubbling over with blood, small drops spilling over and down his arm again. How deep were these cuts that Yamaguchi had made?

He slowly took a damp towel and wiped the blood from Yamaguchi’s arm. The boy winced beneath the towel but he didn’t look. Tsukishima pursed his lips as he sprayed disinfectant on it, barely blinking as the freckled boy yelped at the sudden stinging. He didn’t say a word as he wiped excess disinfectant from Yamaguchi’s tan skin, marveling at the freckles that splayed around the scars. He slowly and gently started wrapping his arm.

Silence stirred around them, mixing with the tension. Yamaguchi feared he would start sobbing if he opened his mouth. Tsukishima didn’t trust himself to speak calmly. He was pissed. He was pissed that his best friend was hurting himself and hadn’t told him. He was angry at himself for not noticing sooner that the boy was hurting. Could he have prevented these scars if he had noticed? Did Yamaguchi not trust him?

The blonde tied off the bandages and closed the kit, placing it back on its shelf. He crossed his arms over his chest as he studied his friend who was breathing heavily on the bench. His sleeve was still rolled up he had managed to cover up most of the scars. He assumed nobody knew about those parallel lines across his skin.

Tsukishima cleared his throat, “Can I come over after practice?”

Yamaguchi’s bottom lip trembled as he looked at his friend. After seeing what he had seen Tsukishima still wanted to be his friend?

_He’s just being nice._

_He’s probably going to let you go in your own home._

He balled up his fist in his lap. He knew Tsukishima was waiting for an answer. Tentatively, he nodded his head. He didn’t look at Tsukishima but watched his legs move in front of him. There was a hand on his head, ghosting through his hair before he heard the door open. It clicked shut behind the blonde.

Yamaguchi balled up the fabric of his gym shorts and bowed his head, letting the tears flow freely. He hiccupped through a sob and the tears soaked into the fabric, wetting his thighs. He sat on the bench crying and shaking, his arm throbbing from the disinfectant. He was pathetic. Tsukki hadn’t even addressed the scars or the cuts. He convinced himself that the blonde didn’t care. How could somebody care about somebody as pathetic as him?

_Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic._

The voice sang to him. As always, he believed it.

He stood up, wobbling for a bit. His legs felt like jelly. He slowly got dressed in his uniform and hooked his backpack over his shoulder, exiting the clubroom soon after. Practice wasn’t over for another half hour but he couldn’t go back in there. He couldn’t wait for Tsukki to be done. He probably didn’t even really want to come over.

The brunette left school grounds and descended down the barren road by himself. It felt weird to walk alone. He felt vulnerable. He was no longer in Tsukki’s shadow. Right now, he was just Yamaguchi. Pathetic, ugly, freckle-faced Yamaguchi Tadashi. He bit his lip to stop from crying. His feet picked up pace and he ran all the way to his house, throwing open his front door. He kicked his shoes off and bypassed his mother, sprinting up the stairs.

He kicked open the door of his room and shut it behind him, breathing heavily. He probably shouldn’t have run home but that was over and done with.

Yamaguchi took his shirt off and ran his fingers over the bandage Tsukishima had wrapped around his arm. It still stung. He looked at his other arm, the lines visible. He trailed his finger tips up and down the length of his arm. He was panting, still out of breath. With all the drills coach made him do you would think he would be more in shape.

_Weak._

_You’re weak._

_Pathetic._

_You’re an athlete and you can’t even handle a half mile sprint._

He squeezed his eyes shut and fumbled for the blade in his nightstand. It was cool in his hands. It felt like it was fifty pounds. It always felt heavy in his hand. He breathed through his grit teeth, decisions tumbling in his head. He had already bled today, did he need to again? He decided that he did.

Tsukishima walked up to the club room, ready to get out of his sweaty clothes. Yamaguchi hadn’t returned to the gym so he assumed that he was just sitting in the clubroom. He opened the door and froze. The brunette was nowhere to be found. He heard a voice beside him, “Where’s Yamaguchi?” It was kind and he instantly recognized it as Suga’s.

Tsukishima stepped into the room. Yamaguchi hadn’t shut his locker all the way and his gym clothes were inside, his uniform gone. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He had gone home; he hadn’t waited for Tsukishima after practice like promised. He stood staring at the bloodied white shirt, clenching his jaw. He felt a bead of sweat slide down the side of his face. He threw his own locker open with a thud and changed as quickly as he ever had before.

“Tsukishima?” Suga’s voice came from behind him but he didn’t respond. He barely shoved his foot into his shoe before slamming his locker shut and fast walking out the door. He didn’t run; he didn’t like to exert that much energy but he would fast walk for Yamaguchi’s sake. He almost knocked into Tanaka going down the stairs. He heard his teammates calling his name but soon he was out of earshot and off school grounds.

When he got onto the road he descended into a slow jog. His heart rate accelerated and he kept having to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose but he wasn’t thinking about it. The only thing on his mind was Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi’s face swam into his vision; that shy smile and blush creeping into his mind. He “tch”ed under his breath as he picked up the pace a notch.

Soon Tsukishima was in front of the Yamaguchi household. He knocked on the door lightly, knowing that the boy’s parents were most likely home by then. His mother opened the door and smiled at him gently. “Kei, it’s-“

“Pardon the intrusion, but Yamaguchi left a few things in the locker room. May I give them to him?” Tsukishima was breathing heavily, probably from jogging all the way here. The boy’s mother gave a glance over her shoulder before heaving a sigh, stepping away from the door. The blonde stepped into the familiar household and took his shoes off, reciting “pardon the intrusion” once more. He climbed the steps two at a time, stopping in front of Yamaguchi’s door.

He lifted a pale hand and knocked on the door with his knuckles. He leaned close to the door, listening for his friend. Inside he heard a sniffle and scuffling. “O-One second!” Came a muffled, shaky voice.

Tsukishima didn’t wait. He opened the door and slid inside, closing it behind him. The brunette whipped around and squeaked, looking at him with big eyes. He was halfway in a shirt and could see that his unwrapped arm was bleeding. The blonde clenched his fists beside him. “Ts-Tsukki what-“

Tsukishima closed the distance between them and did something he had never done before – he hugged Yamaguchi. He took the smaller boy into his thin arms and pulled him into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He felt the brunette let out a breath into his shoulder and hesitantly hug him back, freckled arms snaking around his neck. They stood in the middle of the room like that for what felt like eternity. None of them said anything. The only sound was Yamaguchi’s choked sobs into Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima buried his face in Yamaguchi’s hair.

Yamaguchi shook into his friend’s chest. Tsukishima was here, and he was hugging him! He was also shirtless, having dropped the shirt when Tsukishima ad pulled him into a hug, but that didn’t matter right now. He never thought that he would get a hug from him, or that the boy would show up at his house. He figured that he would have forgotten about him and just gone home.

_He’s only here because he pities you._

_He’s always pitied you._

_He thinks you’re pathetic._

The freckled boy gripped the collar of Tsukishima’s shirt as tears slipped from his eyes. He knew that the tears were dampening his shirt and he sputtered out a, “S-s-s-sorry Tsukk-kki.” The blonde didn’t response and just dragged cool finger tips up and down his spine.

It felt strange for Tsukishima to be comforting him. They never did this. They never hugged or touched in any way. This was the most intimate they had been ever, and they had been friends since elementary school. Six years of friendship and this was their first hug.

Tsukishima finally parted from him, but kept his hands on his shoulders. He could feel golden eyes piercing his face but he refused to meet his gaze. He wiped his eyes with his forearm and looked at the ground beneath them, gasping for air every so often. “W-Why?” Yamaguchi finally breathed out.

“Why what?” The words were gentle, wanting elaboration.

“Why are y-you here?”

“You said I could come over after practice right?”

“Yeah but…” His words trailed off.

It was silent again. They didn’t say a thing. Tsukishima gripped his shoulders tightly, seeming to want to say something. Finally, he did, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” His voice was barely above a murmur.

“Sorry Tsukki,” was all he said. He wanted to tell him. His tongue was tied. It felt as if an immense pressure was holding it down.

_Don’t you dare._

_He’ll think you’re even more pathetic and weak than he already does._

Yamaguchi balled his fists at his side. And then the dam burst. And he was rambling. “I-I just hate myself so much Tsukishima. I’m so ugly a-and pathetic ya know? Nobody ever looks at me u-unless they’re telling me how u-ugly I am a-and girls don’t confess t-to me like they d-do to you. Not that I-I care about that because I-I don’t, uh… I just… I wish I could peel the freckles from m-my face because i-it makes me look like I-I have mold growing on my cheeks. A-And I’m so weak. All the other guys are so strong, Ts-Tsukki and I’m just not. I want to be a r-r-regular on the team but how can I do that when I c-can’t even serve properly? I-I just want to be like you, ya know? Y-You’re so confident a-and perfect and I-I love you and-“ His dark eyes widened as he realized what he had said.

Tsukishima didn’t flinch at his confession. His heart was racing. _I’m so pathetic._ He thought. That’s not how he wanted to do it. That’s not how he wanted to tell Tsukishima that he loved him for the first time.

_Pathetic._

“I’m sorry Tsu – mmph!” He was cut out by lips being pressed against his own.

Yamaguchi’s eyes opened wider if that was even possible. He froze under Tsukishima’s strong grip on his shoulder, letting the blonde’s lips move against his while he stood there. This was the last thing he expected.

_He’s only doing this because he feels bad._

_There’s no way he loves you back._

_He-_

The voice was silenced as Tsukishima’s arms snaked against his waist and a tongue prodded at his bottom lip. He melted. He became wax in the blonde’s tight grip and melt all over his hands. He rewrapped his arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, parting his lips to let the persistent tongue in. The brunette almost moaned as he felt the tongue brush against his own. Instead he shivered and tugged at the ends of the taller one’s hair.

They stood in the middle of the room kissing for some time. Tsukishima licked over the short one’s mouth, running his fingers up and down his spin. He could feel every vertebra under his fingers. Yamaguchi intruded his senses. He tasted like mints and smelled like cinnamon. Tsukishima was hungry for more and brought a hand up to cup his cheek. He felt Yamaguchi exhale through his nose as his thumb ran over the small dots on his face.

Tsukishima always loved the brunette’s freckles. They made him unique; they made him Yamaguchi. He loved how more seemed to appear the more he stayed in the sun. He loved the way they were scattered over the bridge of his nose and under his eyes. He loved that some were darker than others. They always reminded the blonde of constellations.

Tsukishima took Yamaguchi’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulled back slightly. A moan ripped through the boy’s chest and as the pale boy released it, he felt a breathy “again” against his lips. Tsukishima’s lips twitched into a satisfied smirk; he was more than happy to oblige. He sucked Yamaguchi’s bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling it gently and enjoying the whimpers emitting from between the brunette’s lips.

They only parted when a tear rolled down Yamaguchi’s face. Tsukishima pulled away and stared at him, thumb brushing the tear away, “Why are you crying?”

Yamaguchi seemed unaware that he was crying in the first place by the way he looked dumbstruck and brought his hand to his wet cheek. “I just…. Sorry Tsukki?”

“Stop apologizing.”

“S-Sor-“ Yamaguchi caught himself and looked down at his bare feet. His voice was barely above a whispered, “If you’re kissing me as a joke, it’s not funny.”

Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows, golden eyes holding a look of bewilderment, “Why would I kiss you as a joke?”

“B-Because!” Yamaguchi angrily shoved Tsukishima’s arms from him, “I-I’m ugly and pathetic and weak and just… Not you! You hate people who are uncool and I’m the definition of uncool! You’re just so… so _beautiful,_ how could I ever compare to you?”

The only sound for a few moments was Yamaguchi’s angry panting. And then Tsukki responded calmly, “Tadashi, _you’re_ beautiful.” The brunette stopped breathing at the sound of his first name. Tsukki continued, “Your skinny arms, your smile, your brown eyes, the unruly cowlick on top of your head, your freckles. Your freckles are my favorite thing about you.” He reached up and traced them with a long, pale finger, “They remind me of little stars, constellations even. I could look at them all day if I could.”

Yamaguchi inhaled. Tsukishima thought he was beautiful. How? Tsukishima liked his freckles, the one thing about himself that he had been bullied for all his life. They were the one thing that made him ugly and Tsukishima loved them. “D-Do you really think so?” He lifted his gaze to meet amber eyes. For once, the voice didn’t argue with him.

Tsukki nodded, “Yes. You’re beautiful, Tadashi. I’ll tell you everyday if it makes you stop hurting yourself.”

“W-Will you only say it to get me t-to stop hurting myself or do you really mean it?”

“I really mean it. I love your freckles and I…” Tsukishima hesitated for a moment. He didn’t know what had compelled him to kiss Yamaguchi earlier. It just seemed like the right thing to do. He did love him. It had taken just then to realize it. He had never said those words to anybody romantically before, always just saying it to his mother before he left for school. But this… this _love_ for Yamaguchi was beyond a platonic kind of love. “I love you too.” He said softly, keeping his eyes locked on chocolate ones.

For the first time since he had gone over, Yamaguchi’s face broke into a dazzling smile. He was still crying but he was smiling and he hugged Tsukishima tightly. He heard the blonde grunt but didn’t let up, gripping at his shirt tightly. Tsukishima loved him, he really loved him! And he thought he was beautiful. Nobody had ever thought he was beautiful before.

Tsukishima ran his fingers up Yamaguchi’s arms as they hugged again. He ran his fingers up and over the scars. He knew that it would be a long time before the boy stopped hurting himself. But if he could be there for him and be his support system then he would do it. He would do as much as he could to keep Yamaguchi smiling the smile that he loved so much.

“Hey Tsukki?” Yamaguchi pulled back from the hug, a completely serious smile on his face.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, “What is it?”

“I love you.” The freckled boy smiled once again.

Tsukishima let a laugh leave his lips and he brought their lips together, “I love you too, Yamaguchi.”

That night, for the first time in a long time, the voice didn’t bother him.


End file.
